The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People-Pleasing, Reclaim Your Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want: A Simple Plan to Stop People ... Boundaries, and Say Yes to the Life You Want

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Are you unable to deliver a guilt-free no even when you desperately want to establish a healthy boundary?

The joy of saying no — and how to do it, according to a

Sometimes we experience a period of chronic stress that means we’re operating close to or above that threshold. Time and again, I’ve found that saying no and figuring out what I need to say no to paves the way to something so much better. We avoid our feelings to not deal with the stress of something, not realizing that this avoidance is a stressor. It’s no coincidence that I experienced tinnitus when I went through an extended period of pushing myself to attain, not realizing I was hurting myself by doing it for the wrong reasons and having little sense of my effort limits.We do all the things our parents told us to do and even put our dreams and aspirations on hold, only for them to prefer our sibling, continue guilting us, or never acknowledge anything we do.

the joy of no? Burned out and overwhelmed: should you embrace the joy of no?

As a recovering people pleaser, I’m done with jumping through hoops trying to prove myself to unpleasable people. A few weeks earlier while on holiday in Egypt celebrating finishing a year’s course of aggressive steroid treatment, I’d found a lump in my neck that signaled the disease was “back. These are clues from your body, mind, and life that you do what for all intents and purposes might be “good things” but for the wrong reasons—and that’s what makes it people pleasing.In her twenties she’d go on dates with men she didn’t really rate, and act like the dutiful daughter. Thanks to technology, we have more of a window into one another’s lives than we ever have and numerous means to communicate, share ourselves, and connect. Instead, we normalize tiptoeing and walking on eggshells around our own and other people’s agendas and good intentions and thinking that this is as good as it gets.

The Joy of Saying No: A Simple Plan to Stop People-Pleasing

I fear that I’m not good enough, and I blame it for other people’s feelings and behavior or life not going my way. There’s no tipping point of people pleasing where we finally win big and all our suffering and effort pay off.

I work with clients who are deeply perplexed by how working with someone has unsettled them into uncharacteristic behavior or deep anxiety. To decide to choose what to let go of means confronting why we accumulated it in the first place and connecting with our true intentions and values, and that’s what I’m here to help you with.