This is Not a Pity Memoir: The heartbreaking and life-affirming bestseller from the writer of The Split

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Took my breath away . . . I sobbed and laughed and then sobbed again. I think it puts life into perspective but also, by being a love story, it defies many of the norms. Morgan's unique voice rings out and she is a great companion throughout' EMMA BARNETT, i-Paper, Books of the Year This is, without a doubt, my best book so far of 2022 and it’s going to take some beating (not that it’s a competition). I was immediately intrigued first and foremost by the title because I love a memoir but do also often mull the boundaries inherent in writing such a piece - who is it for, what’s its function for the writer and so on. I’m also aware that Abi Morgan is a writer for stage and screen and so I was interested in how her work might translate to the stage. Possibly cut with a montage to include the walk on Primrose Hill with my mum and Mabel and ice-skating at Somerset House in those last days of December. And maybe with me circling the heath, mist low, dog in tow, looking mournfully at Hampstead Ponds, icy and freezing.

If I hadn’t hammered it home by now, just to confirm: Big fan of this book. It’s moving, sad, heartwarming, unexpected, funny and clever. Plus more. If you love a pity memoir - this is one of the best I’ve ever read. The author was concerned about building a life for the future together, with a man who would forever need carers, be physically-challenged and never be able to be intimate again. I do admire her for these efforts of building a life without passion, without even possibly sharing a bed again. Carer, parent and friend, but not lover - not an easy choice for a future. I understand 'for better for worse' but they weren't, in fact, married. I was reading some of the book aloud to my son last night and he said,'She does go on, doesn't she?' and, about the constant repetition, sometimes the same phrase in three short lines in a row, 'is this all about filling space?' I don't think it was, I think the author, apparently a much-lauded writer though I've never heard of her (nor him, the famous actor) thinks she has a really unique way of writing, that reflects her feelings at the time of the events. In the early chapters, it does (but it isn't easy reading). I also wonder if she did it to bring rhythm to the physical text - paragraphs broken up by half a dozen three-word lines in a row which does look different. (There are several examples in 'reading notes' below). But really who knows?When you think you're going to die, it becomes very clear what you need to stay alive, and you don’t need as much as you think It really happened. And what no one tells you about proper unfolding tragedy is that it is scary, and adrenalizing. The screenwriter Abi Morgan, best known for the films The Iron Lady, Shame and Suffragette and more recently for the much-loved BBC series The Split, works in a small flat above a perfumery in Islington, north London. Its rooms, pale and sleekly minimalist, not only smell lovely, the rose geranium and vetiver floating obligingly upwards; they’re also, for a writer, extraordinarily tidy. The casual visitor would not think for a single moment of fraught commissioning meetings and hurtling deadlines were it not for the little squares of paper that line one wall, on which the episodes of her latest project are neatly summarised. But like everything about Morgan, this tranquility is, perhaps, deceptive. While she, too, exudes a warm, outward calm, her interest extending to everyone she meets, inwardly it’s a different story. Sometimes, it’s as if a bomb has gone off deep inside her. “I am both absolutely the same and profoundly changed,” she says, sitting at her white table, turning her white coffee cup in her hand. But really, what she has learned has mostly to do with love. “Let’s be honest. I’m a tufty-haired, one-breasted, fiftysomething woman who’s got a few Baftas and yes, that’s brilliant. But life also goes in cycles. I am not the big I-am. I think my greatest fear is to end up some old buffer at Bafta. Being with Jake, and what we went through as a family, has changed us. We have a greater appreciation of each other. We’ve seen each other at our worst moments. I didn’t realise I loved Jake so much – that’s the biggest revelation. It’s such a platitude, isn’t it, love? But… this hum. That’s the only way I can describe it. I just have this hum for Jake that I don’t have for anyone else.”

A moving memoir from the award-winning screenwriter and playwright Abi Morgan about what happens when the person you love most no longer recognizes you. Abi Morgan to many would have the perfect life…. Successful film script writer, loving actor partner, 2 teenage children , a London home and a holiday house in Italy… I was in two minds about buying this book - whilst I love Abi Morgan’s work, I thought this could only prove to be a harrowing picture of the family’s life and I wasn’t sure I wanted to go on that journey with Abi and her family. But then, she’s a glorious writer, so what the hell, if anyone could make this material transformative, it’s Abi Morgan! What a book! I personally found it to be a very hard read, as Husband and I are also struggling with his ill health, that has totally affected our outlook on life. It is a powerful read, a highly emotional account of the life changing events that have affected all members of the her family.But this is not a pity memoir. It's about meeting your person. And crazed late night Google trawls. It's about the things you wished you'd said to the person that matters then wildly over-sharing with the barista who doesn't know you at all. It's about sushi and the wrong shoes and the moments you want to shout 'cut'. It's about the silence when you are lost in space and the importance of family and parties and noise.